1. I have an amazing husband. He gets all three kids up every morning and gets them off to school. He also knows if I can't wake up easily there is probably a reason. Usually he knows because he's been up himself from my inability to sleep well. I only found this out a while ago. Even though I don't remember, I apparently wake him up from my restless nights.
2. I have lots of reasons but they will all fall under this... My health is unpredictable mostly because of Lyme. About 5 nights a week I either have insomnia, anxiety attacks, tremors while awake and asleep, painsomnia, (which is the inability to fall asleep or stay asleep from the amount of pain I'm in,) or some other symptom.
Tonight it is intense chest pain, upper leg pain, anxiety attack, and the tremors are off and on right now.
I finally had my brain MRI and will receive the results at my next appointment on Tuesday morning. I don't know what the plan is if they find any abnormalities but if nothing then I should be able to get a referral to a neurologist and continue my Lyme treatment which will more than likely put me back on a PICC line. Either way I want to feel better so I am ready for it.
I haven't told many people this but I have been feeling worse. My symptoms are back and I have only been on a two week break waiting for this test to occur. I am so sick of hurting and not being able to function properly. I'm so sick of sleeping in and only having a few good hours a day to do what I need to do. It's very trying to deal with and to keep a positive attitude. I have four children and I must be strong for them.
What I really want to do is scream, cry and eat comfort foods all day if my body would let me. It is so hard to be strong. Especially when every day you hurt. When a different symptom than the day or hour before reminds you that you are battling this disease. It doesn't let you forget. It never stops attacking and destroying your entire body and deep inside you know it, too. It's slowly eating away at you and while you hear all about these cures you know there really isn't. Just like cancer there is only remission... If you can achieve that. And then you will never reach 100% of your old self ever again. Few actually achieve 80% or better.
It is different for everyone. For me, I'm in the middle of my battle. I know I will achieve a remission status and will be capable of many great things again... I just have to have patience, love my self, and keep supporting my body, mind and spirit.
Besides studying the Book of Mormon and reading the same book in a groups timeframe, I am reading the New Testament. I have just begun, but learning of Christ's miracles and healings gives me hope that I can too be healed. I truly believe in the power to heal. Not just from medical or natural sources but from priesthood power held correctly by a true and worthy priesthood holder.
A year ago I received a blessing from someone who especially has the gift of healing and I know it helped. I am faced with the same worry as then... A possible MS diagnosis... But know that I have been blessed to have my Lyme Disease diagnosis. It causes MS and I know how to stop its progression. I found an answer that some never receive.
It brings me comfort to know that my Savior has felt my pains, has loved us enough to endure them all, and who was resurrected to show that death is not the end. He has conquered all that we will ever go through and showed us the way to happiness and eternal life. I know that someday I will be cured... Wether it's in this life time or the next, I will be whole again. For now I will continue to do all I can to achieve it here in this part of life.
I thank everyone who has ever supported me, prayed for me, helped me or has even thought about myself and my family. You may never understand how truly grateful I am for you. You are a blessing and a true instrument in the Lords hands. You are another way that prayers are answered and every little thing is truly appreciated.
As always, keep our family in your prayers. Thanks for all the love!!
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